I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
