today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
