So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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