I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
