guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
