as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
