im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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