I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
