Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
