I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
