is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i came on her dog
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
