its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
