He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
