I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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