I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Never joke about your clitoris.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize