There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
