Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my liver is dry heaving
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
