So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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