So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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