were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
there is puke in my bra ... again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
