she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
