Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
