im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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