I faked an abortion last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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