Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
