Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
