its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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