do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
