She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
