doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I want a musical about memes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
