the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are the jesus of drinking
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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