Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
