Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
