hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
