I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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