Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
