Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
