uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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