You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
