Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
