my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
