I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize