She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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