This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
