I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
