also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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