so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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