Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
