You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
