Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
