Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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