Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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