either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize