No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
