who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
