So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
