Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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