sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
