Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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