Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she pinky promised me she was 18
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
