It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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