i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize