he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
