who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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