the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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