nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize