walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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