Even water is tasting like jack daniels
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
