I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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